we need a humor forum.....until then

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

"Are you ok?" she asks.

"Yes," he replies.

"You can go and play with the other kids you know," she says.

"No, it's probably best I stay here," he says.

"Why's that sweetie?" says the blonde.

The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "because I'm the goalie!"
 
A blonde goes in to get a haircut with earbuds and an iphone.... "I know it's a pain but please let me leave the earbuds in, just move the cords around"

It's an easy trim, no big deal so the stylist works around the cords.

This goes on for a while with a little trim every week or so....always wearing the earphones.

Then one day blondy wants a style change, they talk over the new moves and the hair technician gets to work. Well into the cut the blonde has fallen gently asleep so the tech pops out and earpiece and works around the area........ the blonde is snoring gently.

'pop', out with the other earbud and snippity-snip, not a move from the girl in the chair.

The barber teases the hair a little, slips the earphones back in and taps the girl on the shoulder, no response.

She shakes the shoulder gently, "hey! wakey-wakey we're done!"

No response.

Worried, the haircutter talks louder...."MA-AM, PLEASE WAKE UP!!"

Nothing.

Mirror to the mouth...nothing

pulse...nothing

this woman is dead

Freaking out she calls 911 and continues trying to wake her client.... picking up the earbuds she listens.... A rich baritone mans voice comes through loud and clear....."breathe in"..."breathe out"..."breathe in"...."breathe out".....
 
No one is quite sure how it happened, but one time the pope was accidentally booked to speak at a Star Trek convention, the largest in the world. There was a great deal of commotion at the Vatican when the mistake was discovered, and it has to be said that more than a few heads rolled.

There were recriminations, and counter-accusations, and firings, and consultants brought in, and in short “quite a time” was had by all. The reason for all the dismay had to do with the contract that had been signed, and sealed. The terms of the contract stipulated some things that would be very embarrassing to the Vatican if they were to cancel the appearance, even more embarrassing than the embarrassment of having the pope speak there at all.

The individual who had negotiated the whole deal had quit shortly after the last contract had been signed, and he was now down the road. More than a few people suspected that the whole thing had been done deliberately.

After a few weeks of seeking in vain for a solution, the head of scheduling said, “No sense putting it off any longer. We have to go speak to the holy father, and ask him what he would like us to do.”

The others agreed, shaking their heads sadly. “What do you think he will do?” one of them asked. “I think he will be deeply saddened,” another said, and all the others agreed with this.

And so, after they had explained the whole debacle to him, the pope surprised them all. “Oh, I can go,” he said.

“You won’t feel out of place?” one of them managed to ask.

“Oh, no,” the pope answered. “I’m used to speaking to 35-year-old virgins.”
 
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Saskatchewan Logic


Saskatchewan Fire Insurance Quotation

A man and his wife moved back home to Saskatchewan from Vancouver.
The wife had a wooden leg, and to insure it in BC was $2000 a year!
When they arrived in Saskatchewan, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, "That'll be $39."
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Saskatchewan to insure because it cost him $2000 in BC!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.
I always did find Saskatchewan's logic far superior to most others.
 
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alinwa said:
"attachment invalid" (sounds vaguely paedophilic)
Click to expand...

Lol, attachments can be a problem. I attached a barrel tuner to my annie and had a heck of a time finding a decent setting, cost me a brick of Tenex.

As for the pedos, just take them out to the bush and let fate take it's course :)

* doggie *
 
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