we need a humor forum.....until then

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While I was in Chicago, I heard Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a nearby church, I decided to go there and check them out in person.

As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me. I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church?
He laid his hands on my shoulder and said: " By the will of Jesus the Lord Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed.

Then Jesse Jackson came by and said: " By the Grace of God, and his Son Jesus, the Lord Almighty, you will walk today." Again, I said that there is nothing wrong with me.

After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold they were right...

My car was gone.
 
fishing!

Dave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.
The following week when Dave's buddies arrived at the lake they were shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting on the dock, fishing rod in hand, and drinking a beer.
His buddies asked, "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"
Dave replied. Last night I came home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows thinking how much I wanted to go fishing. Then the ol'lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, " Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'......


SO I DID AND HERE I AM!
 
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