we need a humor forum.....until then

My local cop pulled me over for a random alcohol test.

"Have you had anything to drink today, sir?"

"My mum told me not to talk to strangers"

"If you refuse an alcohol test then you will be required to accompany me to the station"

"My mum also told me not to get into their car"

So I blew into his bag of electronical chips, all was clear and so I left with a friendly wave.

This is actually a true story, local cop knew my name.

One of the advantages of living in a small town.

* doggie *
 
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A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"OK, have you ever been in the military?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our regular hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point for you to come in for that....
 
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