A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right .. . I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage his crotch. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"*
To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right .. . I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage his crotch. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"*
To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
linkienoworkie,me
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Rerun
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch, I guess."
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch, I guess."
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?"
Satan says, “Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!"
God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake – he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!!"
Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you.”
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?”
After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how are things going down there?"
Satan says, “Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this Engineer is going to come up with next!"
God is horrified. "What? You've got an Engineer? That's clearly a mistake – he should never have gone down there! You know all Engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here immediately!!"
Satan says, "No way, I really like having an Engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue you.”
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Steve Kostanich
Active member
Butch Lambert
Active member
Steve, you misspelled it. It is Moronic!
The Supreme court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity scene in the Capital this Christmas season.This isn’t for any religious reason and not because of any COVID related issues. No, they simply have not been able to find three wise men in the nation's capital.
A search for a virgin continues!
There was NO Problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
A search for a virgin continues!
There was NO Problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
an inoffensive ethnic joke??
I've got hundreds of ethnic jokes that are considered "inappropriate" by many of the PC folks here and out in the larger innernet community...... I _think_ this one is OK because if anyone is maligned it can be construed as "self defecating humor" or something like that.....
Jeff Bezos is preparing for the Blue Origin trip to Mars. Some of the training of the crew took place on a Navajo reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to Mars. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to Mars with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Do not believe these men; they have come to steal your land."
I've got hundreds of ethnic jokes that are considered "inappropriate" by many of the PC folks here and out in the larger innernet community...... I _think_ this one is OK because if anyone is maligned it can be construed as "self defecating humor" or something like that.....
Jeff Bezos is preparing for the Blue Origin trip to Mars. Some of the training of the crew took place on a Navajo reservation.
One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to Mars. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to Mars with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Do not believe these men; they have come to steal your land."
Some things just can't be explained
A farmer went to milk his cow one morning. Just as the bucket was almost full, the cow kicked it over with her left leg. The farmer took some rope and tied the cow's left leg to a post on the left.
He sat down to milk the cow again and again as the bucket was full, the cow knocked it over this time with her right leg. So the farmer ties up her right leg to a post on the right.
He sits down for a third time and for the third time the cow knocks over the bucket this time with her tail. Since he's run out of rope, the farmer drags over a haybale, takes off his belt and uses it to tie the cow's tail to the rafter. Just as he gets done, his pants fall down as the wife walks in and...well
some things just can't be explained!
A farmer went to milk his cow one morning. Just as the bucket was almost full, the cow kicked it over with her left leg. The farmer took some rope and tied the cow's left leg to a post on the left.
He sat down to milk the cow again and again as the bucket was full, the cow knocked it over this time with her right leg. So the farmer ties up her right leg to a post on the right.
He sits down for a third time and for the third time the cow knocks over the bucket this time with her tail. Since he's run out of rope, the farmer drags over a haybale, takes off his belt and uses it to tie the cow's tail to the rafter. Just as he gets done, his pants fall down as the wife walks in and...well
some things just can't be explained!
Nick The Dragon Slayer
Nick the Dragon Slayer had long been attracted to the Queen..... his obsession with motorboating the Queens voluptuous booswoms was interfering with his dragon slaying but he held his passions in check as he knew the penalty for nuzzling would be death. Probably death by dragon in his special case.
One day he revealed his secret desire to Horatio the Court Physician who was the king's royal doctor. Horatio proclaimed that he could arrange for the fulfillment of Nick's desires.... but it would cost him 1000 Gold Durwins
"I'm in" said Nick.
The next day the Royal Physic made up some itching powder and poured it into the Queen's brassiere as she bathed. Soon after she was dried and dressed the itching commenced. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers Horatio the Physician diagnosed the problem...."what we have here is a condition, the result of residue from a weed occurring only in BagWanaLand which is sometimes brought in by baskets of exotic fruits or clothing, which can only be cured by the application of saliva found in folks of a certain genetic background and blood type. 3-4 hours of application from the right person will cure the itch. I will set out immediately to test your subjects until I find a man or woman of that blood type"....
Of course he found Nick the Dragon Slayer to be of the right type.
The King called for Nick.
Horation slipped him some antidote for the itching powder and Nick the Dragon Slayer went to work on the Queens itch....
After several hours the Queen's itch was assuaged and she looked on Nick the Dragon Slayer as a hero......Nick the Dragon Slayer was also satisfied and it all looked peaches and cream in the kingdom until hours later when Horatio the Physician came round to collect his fee. Nick of course was basking in a rosy glow and couldn't care less about paying 1000 Durwins for something he's already had. Nick shooed Horatio away with a lofty wave, knowing that Horatio the Physician couldn't very well report him to the King. He was Home Free and smiled the uncomplicated smile of a satisfied mind.
Horatio however was incensed.
The next day he slipped a massive dose of powder into the Kings loincloth.
The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.....
Nick the Dragon Slayer had long been attracted to the Queen..... his obsession with motorboating the Queens voluptuous booswoms was interfering with his dragon slaying but he held his passions in check as he knew the penalty for nuzzling would be death. Probably death by dragon in his special case.
One day he revealed his secret desire to Horatio the Court Physician who was the king's royal doctor. Horatio proclaimed that he could arrange for the fulfillment of Nick's desires.... but it would cost him 1000 Gold Durwins
"I'm in" said Nick.
The next day the Royal Physic made up some itching powder and poured it into the Queen's brassiere as she bathed. Soon after she was dried and dressed the itching commenced. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers Horatio the Physician diagnosed the problem...."what we have here is a condition, the result of residue from a weed occurring only in BagWanaLand which is sometimes brought in by baskets of exotic fruits or clothing, which can only be cured by the application of saliva found in folks of a certain genetic background and blood type. 3-4 hours of application from the right person will cure the itch. I will set out immediately to test your subjects until I find a man or woman of that blood type"....
Of course he found Nick the Dragon Slayer to be of the right type.
The King called for Nick.
Horation slipped him some antidote for the itching powder and Nick the Dragon Slayer went to work on the Queens itch....
After several hours the Queen's itch was assuaged and she looked on Nick the Dragon Slayer as a hero......Nick the Dragon Slayer was also satisfied and it all looked peaches and cream in the kingdom until hours later when Horatio the Physician came round to collect his fee. Nick of course was basking in a rosy glow and couldn't care less about paying 1000 Durwins for something he's already had. Nick shooed Horatio away with a lofty wave, knowing that Horatio the Physician couldn't very well report him to the King. He was Home Free and smiled the uncomplicated smile of a satisfied mind.
Horatio however was incensed.
The next day he slipped a massive dose of powder into the Kings loincloth.
The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.....