Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Blonde Golfer
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.
Naturally, the guys all agreed.
Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-colour stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."
With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.
All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.
The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.
The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."
After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)
The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.
Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.
For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.
When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.
If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night."
The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darling', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."
The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."
The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"
REMEMBER . . . OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.
Naturally, the guys all agreed.
Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-colour stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."
With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.
All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.
The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.
The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."
After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)
The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.
Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.
For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.
When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.
If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night."
The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darling', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."
The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."
The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"
REMEMBER . . . OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME
One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Doctor
Next time you go to the doc, when he puts his gloves on, whip out yours and put them on too.....
Next time you go to the doc, when he puts his gloves on, whip out yours and put them on too.....
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day here in Australia.
I remembered back to when I was a young digger and would approach a pretty young thing and say -
"Happy Mother's Day"
Pretty young thing woukd reply -
"But I'm not a mother"
To which I replied -
"So would you like to be one?"
Only got my face slapped a few times.
Today is Mother's Day here in Australia.
I remembered back to when I was a young digger and would approach a pretty young thing and say -
"Happy Mother's Day"
Pretty young thing woukd reply -
"But I'm not a mother"
To which I replied -
"So would you like to be one?"
Only got my face slapped a few times.
Dave Coots
64 Chevy 409 10.42 129
Bears
Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone National Park to study the bears. Finally, their requests were granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone.
They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men.
Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female. Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist. They killed the female bear and opened its stomach to find the remains of the Russian scientist.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
The other ranger nodded and responded, “I guess the Czech is in the male."
Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone National Park to study the bears. Finally, their requests were granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone.
They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.
The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men.
Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female. Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist. They killed the female bear and opened its stomach to find the remains of the Russian scientist.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
The other ranger nodded and responded, “I guess the Czech is in the male."
B J Atkinson
Member
Police manning a random breath test station pulled in a car driven by an attractive blonde.
"Blow in this until I tell you to stop"
She does so and the cop looks at the reading and says
"Wow, looks like you have had a couple of stiff ones tonight"
Oh dear she says....can it tell that too?
"Blow in this until I tell you to stop"
She does so and the cop looks at the reading and says
"Wow, looks like you have had a couple of stiff ones tonight"
Oh dear she says....can it tell that too?
B J Atkinson
Member
A young and somewhat timid man was admitted to hospital with a badly upset stomach complaint.
As he lay in his bed on the fifth floor the spasms suddenly caused him to empty his bowels unfortunately in the bed.
Terrified and embarrassed, he rolled up the sheet and tossed it out of the window before anyone came into his room.
Meanwhile down below a drunk was asleep on a park bench when the aforementioned sheet landed on him and covered him.
A policeman watching this saw a wildly thrashing figure trying to get the sheet off - which the drunk eventually did.
"What the hell's going on?" asked the cop.
"Dunno, said the drunk, but I think I just beat the out of a ghost!"
As he lay in his bed on the fifth floor the spasms suddenly caused him to empty his bowels unfortunately in the bed.
Terrified and embarrassed, he rolled up the sheet and tossed it out of the window before anyone came into his room.
Meanwhile down below a drunk was asleep on a park bench when the aforementioned sheet landed on him and covered him.
A policeman watching this saw a wildly thrashing figure trying to get the sheet off - which the drunk eventually did.
"What the hell's going on?" asked the cop.
"Dunno, said the drunk, but I think I just beat the out of a ghost!"
Nursery Rhymes
My late father told me that on a trip to Berlin late in December 1944 the navigator sang this song.
"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to war we go.
We're singing songs and dropping bombs
Hi ho, hi ho"
A later crash landing cost him a few mates and he never flew a R.A.F. bomber again.
* doggie *
My late father told me that on a trip to Berlin late in December 1944 the navigator sang this song.
"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to war we go.
We're singing songs and dropping bombs
Hi ho, hi ho"
A later crash landing cost him a few mates and he never flew a R.A.F. bomber again.
* doggie *
yes marines..the boys club of the US NAVY.
the marines needed a few good MEN...so they got NAVY corpsmen.
the only good marine, is a SUBMARINE!
OUCH...ducking
the marines needed a few good MEN...so they got NAVY corpsmen.
the only good marine, is a SUBMARINE!
OUCH...ducking
FBecigneul
Member
You know..........Some times it’s best not to comment when you don’t know about the audience. Military is one area that comes to mind.
dmort
Active member
No need to duck. I never heard the submarine one before and I thought I had heard them all! No offence taken.If your a veteran your a brother.
You don't give corpsmen a bad time. they will remember you when it's time to get your shots
Mort
Francis made a good point.