we need a humor forum.....until then

M

mike in co

Guest
Subject: Traffic Jam in Washington

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam in Washington DC . Nothing is moving!
Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window. The driver rolls down his window and asks "What's going on"?
''Terrorists down the road have kidnapped all the members of our Congress, they're asking for $10 million in ransom". "Otherwise, they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire"!
"We're going from car to car taking up a collection".
The driver asks "How much is everyone giving, on average"?
''Most people are giving about two gallons"!
 
Why, Francis, that's not true. Much of what he writes is redundant.

(Oh, Maybe Mike wants a good humor forum. No, that's ice cream; not what I meant. A humor forum with good writing.)
 
FBecigneul said:
I could use a good humerus too, I broke mine right at the elbow December 19, 1954 at St. Michael's in the first period and it didn't heal right.
Oh, heel right is different. That's the optomitrus. Well, it starts with O.
Click to expand...

Well, that may explain it. 20 years ago a podiatrist at Ft. Bragg cut off a chunk of excess bone on my right heel with a hammer and chisel. No kidding. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't kidding. I mean, one minute I'm laying on my belly and worrying about the design of the gown and accidentally impressing the nurses and such, and the next minute I hear the sound of steel on steel as my leg gets violently yanked. I whirled around and said "what are you DOING?!?" "Uh, Sir?" He said, "I told you I was going to do this with a hammer and chisel." I said, "I thought you were KIDDING, sir!?!" "No son, I wasn't kidding". And back to work that pesky sculptor went........

Sooooo, what'cher saying is I should have gone to the optometrist?! Man, I never saw that coming..............
 
Oh, nosebleeds. What's the problem? When it comes to noses, a little chiseling on mine would probably be a good thing. Just stay away from proctologists.
 
And how do you know when you have a bad proctologist? When your getting a rectal exam and you notice he has both hands on your shoulder's!
 
A little visual humor--

lucy.png
 
If I died now, my wife would kill me. I still have 14 and 11 yr old boys in the house and I'm 56. Randy
 
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A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl on her new shiny bike
stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year,
tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell SANTA;
The dick goes underneath the horse,
not on top'!!!
 
good humor

Here I thought you guys said good humor and had my heart set on one of their toasted almond bars the only snow we get here falls from Avianca planes
 
Helpful hints to fellow geezer hunters: Making too much noise walking thru those dead leaves? Just turn off your hearing aid.
Take a viagra before going into the woods. Keeps yer boots drier when you have to pee.
Take a gingko memory pill, too, so you remember which pocket your cough medicine is in, and which pocket has the doe-in-heat buck lure.
And the best game call sounds just like a thermos bottle cap being unscrewed.
 
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